Tag: Beauty

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The Painting

The swirling colors meld jointly to form an unseen picture. The oranges and pinks brushed simultaneously make a seamless sunset. And yet there is something underneath the paint that wrestles and groans, gnawing away at the canvas. The prettiest colors can cover this damaged hide, but alas, the creases will find a way to breakthrough. The paint can only hide so much. Some may dedicate their entire lives to hiding those defects.

I stare at my reflection in the soft, painted canvas. The reflection that was once hideous with all its imperfections. A reflection stood still in quicksand, now something utterly different. Because those once imperfections, those cracks, and cuts, now make the painting more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Imperfections are what make our paintings unique. Without them, all paintings would be the same with their perfect color choices and expert strokes. And who would ever want a thing such as that?

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You and Me

The doves, and misty sunrise
will never bring me happiness
as much as someone like you.
No pair of mesmerizing eyes
or set of sunset skies
will ever be as beautiful
as someone like you.
No one from here to the sea,
will ever mean more to me
then someone like you.
For the person like you
saved my life many years ago
from the highest swells and darkness.
And through the light of the clouds.
I can see clearly.
And now I know it was
always destined to be
You and Me

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The Veil

The days that pass seem longer than the rest as I walk up and down my street. For years I have seen a distorted figure behind a high window on my street. Behind the glass, a figure used to rest in a sheer lace veil away from the world. The cover that hid them seemed permanent as they sat in their window watching the world below. I bet not one soul on the outside could tell you what used to lay underneath the veil. I heard the being who wore the mask placed it there a long time ago for a particular reason. And that reason was protection. Because the creature lying underneath knew that if no one ever saw the person they were, they couldn’t get hurt. Because if people left them, they could say it was because they didn’t understand the person they indeed were. And it took years for that person in their shear covered veil to realize that the problem wasn’t the world. Instead, the problem was inside themselves. Over time, this person grew tired of hiding away. They never felt seen by anyone around them. And eventually, the day came where they wanted to remove their protection. And they did.

The veil that once hid me from this world now lay on my floor. It’s not in the trash or hidden away but remains a reminder of how important it is for me to live and not be afraid to show who I am underneath. I’ve grown to realize that that veil served me no purpose. Because what’s the point in living if you’re always hidden?

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The Waves

The waves that crash against my feet feel like a thousand butterfly kisses grazing my skin. The waves are so soft and light as they wash onto the shore. I watch as the water ebbs and flows between my toes, and I can’t help but feel grateful for this moment. Thankful to breathe the salty ocean air and feel the breeze on my skin.

I soon stare out at the lightly colored horizon and can’t help but wonder what lies behind. The clouds create shadows and wispy figures that blow in the breeze—swaying back and forth to and fro. I can’t help but notice through the translucent waves I see a pile of rocks buried in the sand. It looks tall and sturdy, but part of me wonders how something under so much pressure can withhold the waves and remain in place. I can’t help but hope that one day I will be that sturdy, that no outside forces of the world disfigure my shape. But until then, I suppose I’ll continue to watch the waves crash against my feet.

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A Saturday Afternoon

On a Saturday afternoon, I sit silently in my bedroom on the soft white carpet. I wiggle my toes between the fibers as I listen carefully to the rain as it lightly pings on my roof. I slowly begin to gaze out my bay window down at the beauty that surrounds me. The vibrant forest and the sounds of the rain ease my mind as I watch the rainwater flow down the street.  And I can’t help but feel at peace, at peace with myself and with the world. The sounds surrounding me aren’t filled with worry or fear. Instead, they possess a sign of extraordinary courage, courage so powerful, so great. Because the thunder never seems to mind who it disturbs. Instead, the thunder bangs and roars at whatever volume it deems necessary, no matter the cost to those affected. I envy that kind of freedom; to move about life being whatever one wants and not worrying about the social ramifications.

As my mind wanders, I stare into the distance at the tall daunting trees in the distance. They are filled with a quiet restlessness. I can hear them whisper in the wind, calling out to me.  Their vibrant leaves hold the secrets of the past that will one day be told to the next generation. How will these secrets be revealed, you ask? Through their sounds, because if you listen carefully to the rustling of the leaves, they bare all the secrets one could ever hope to learn. The key is to listen, truly listen to the things that surround us, instead of filling our minds with clutter. Perhaps only then will we find the peace we so desperately search for in this world.

 

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I Gaze

I gaze in the mirror at my reflection, and I don’t recognize the person I see anymore. My physical appearance looks the same, but somehow, I am different. Maybe it’s because I no longer see myself as the insecure girl I once was. Perhaps it’s because, over the course time, I have somehow managed to shed a part of myself that I never thought I could.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about why this is. I mean, how can a person change so much in such a short amount of time. A year ago, I moved to Denver, a much bigger city than the place in which I was raised. I had never lived outside of Idaho; I don’t blame you if you don’t know where that is. The point is, I was in the same place my entire life, and I felt stuck and bored. I was surrounded by negative people who I felt didn’t understand or support me. I always thought the problem was me; somehow, I was the person who needed to change, that I was the broken doll that needed repair.

Well, cue me moving away to a bigger city, and over a year, I discovered that the problem was never me. The real problem was I didn’t believe in myself and was too afraid to become my own person. Last year, I stopped writing, I stopped being true to my passions in life, and I stopped believing in my capabilities and talents.

I only moved here because I thought I was supposed to go to law school and become a successful attorney; not because I liked the state. But, even when I was doing the things I was “supposed” to be doing, I didn’t feel better. I still felt stuck, almost as if I were frozen in time. And I did the only thing I knew how. I finally listened to myself. I shut out all the outside voices and began to think about what I wanted for my life. I slowly began to write again. And most importantly, I quit law school, which was the best decision I ever made because I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I believe that we can choose our paths, and I decided mine instead of doing what I was supposed to do.

This year I began living my life for me. And my decisions have reflected that. Everything I write, every picture I take, and the things I do are for me, not for everyone’s approval. And I have become a lot happier and self-assured.

And once I started thinking for myself, I learned that I didn’t need certain people in my life. I learned that all I have ever needed was myself. And now, when I look in the mirror, I see her, the person I’ve always dreamed of being, and I think that’s enough.

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The Reflection

Mirrors, don’t reflect
Instead, they project
What we want the world to see
But we hide our true selves
Mirrors are fake reflections of us
Because what mirrors don’t reflect
Is who we are inside

 

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As I Float

The water droplets form upon my skin as I lay in silence. I allow the waves to carry my body in any direction. I don’t care where. As I float on my back, I gaze into the majestic clear sky. I watch as the bird’s swoosh and dip in zig-zag motions above my head, but I can’t hear them. The water that fills my ears has silenced the world around me. All the violence, screams, and anxiety are quiet, as my ears fill with nothing but the sounds of the swishing water ripples. The water carries me down a path that I am unfamiliar with, but I don’t feel afraid. I feel excited to go where I have never gone before.

As my body floats adrift, I watch the birds overhead. They seem so free, so happy, like nothing I have ever seen. And sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be free. To be able to fly to any destination without care. To leave a life behind and begin anew, but I suppose we have that option too.

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The Woman

There is an old woman who lives by the sea
She was once reckless and wild
Yet tender as can be
Her beauty is fading
As her youth is fleeting
But she doesn’t care
Because she remains waiting,
For her husband who was once lost at sea
He was gentle and kind
And the best man for she
He was the love of her life
And she will spend the rest of her years
Being his wife
For she is the old woman who lives by the sea
As beautiful and humble and loyal as can be

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Mirror Mirror

Jumpsuit

Beauty is something in our society that is highly valued and sought after. Everyone seems to want it and some people will stop at nothing to attain it. We have things such as plastic surgery and weight lose commercial that consume our culture. The world, society, and the media tell us we need to be “beautiful” in order to obtain success. They tell us that being beautiful can get us further in our careers and give us more opportunities. The question becomes how do you know if you have what society deems to be this important characteristic? I think we allow the media and society provide our answer. In other words, we let others, or complete strangers, tell us what we are, and if we are valuable.

Why do we let other’s opinions dictate our perceptions of ourselves? My theory is that from a young age we are taught to listen to those around us for a reflection of who we are. When we are young, we look for guidance from those around us; and as we age, I believe this becomes a habit. We learn that trusting ourselves and believing in what we see in the mirror is a not a way to gain others approval, that we so desperately seek. I’ve found through my life experience by doing this, by leaning on people for my validation, my power was stripped away. Because if we listen to everyone else then it is harder for us to see our true selves. With societies voices constantly in our head, we no longer have the power to decide who we are and who we want to be.

Our dependency on others can happen for many reasons. For me personally, I know at times it was too hard for me to look at myself in the mirror, so I let others tell me my label. Because it was easier for me to let others dictate my life, and tell me who I was, rather than me sitting down and being honest with myself. It seems like an easy fix to let everyone around you decide your future, as if somehow, they have all the answers that you don’t. But I have found when I let others determine my value, this causes a huge problem. When I base my life on society’s opinions it causes me to have more self-doubt

and insecurity. Because I feel as if I needed everyone’s approval to be good enough, which is impossible. Because there will always be one person who doesn’t like something about you.

For a huge portion of my life I hated my body. I was born with wider hips that I felt if I wasn’t careful, they could make me look fat around my mid-section. Even when I was a size 0 at 18 years old, I still had my larger hips, and it made me insecure; because I felt in order to be beautiful that I needed to be rail thin. I felt like I needed to have the body of a supermodel to be successful. So, I went years hiding my body under frumpy clothing because I felt if anyone ever saw what I considered to be a flaw then I wouldn’t be beautiful. But over years of doing this I became annoyed. Annoyed with myself and annoyed with the world. I felt as if I were trapped inside a box because I could only wear certain clothes in order to match a beauty standard.

Last year, I was so annoyed that I became rebellious of my old habits and I began to wear what I considered more riskier clothing. I began to wear bodysuits, tighter pants, and basically anything I found to be cute. What I found was that not all clothes would fit my body. Not everything would accentuate my natural body shape and I had to learn to accept that. I had to learn that no matter how much I wished I was rail thin that I couldn’t change the bones in my body. But I also learned that I didn’t need to hide my body, either.

For most of my life, I needed people to tell me I was good enough. I needed people to provide me with an identity. No one ever could though, and I always felt like I needed constant reassurance. Instead of believing in my own personal beauty, I let society dictate my value. Ultimately, it was detrimental for me, to think that others knew me better than I knew myself. I ended up living my life to please others and fit their perceptions of how I was “supposed” to appear.

I’m here to tell you that the world will always try to define you based on your outward appearance. However, the world is wrong. Ultimately, people cannot tell you your value. Relying, on people’s opinions too much will foster an environment of insecurity and doubt. We deserve more for ourselves. We all will be “beautiful” to someone one day. That old saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder carries merit. You don’t have to be perfect or fit someone’s standards to be beautiful. You just need to be true to who you are, and someone will find you to be beautiful.