Tag: Life

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A Figure

There’s this person I’ve spent my entire life searching to find. I’ve scoured the highest mountain tops and the majestic dark forests—years of my life devoted to meeting this figure. As the answer to my problems, a figure built in my mind, the problems deep-rooted that have grown around me like a twisted vine festering underneath my skin.


I traveled to the deepest of oceans and saw the beauty within the bright orange coral but never found my answer. I went to the driest sandiest of deserts, and no resolution was reached. I flew to the coldest iciest place on earth in hopes that this person resided there. But alas, my travels were futile, and I returned to my home, disappointed.


For years I thought this person was lost at sea that they were an enigma fabricated by my imagination. Until one day, I looked in the mirror as my life experience and travels flashed through my mind, and I realized the person I’ve been searching for was never in those forests. The figure was never in the bottom of the ocean because that person was always closer than I could have ever imagined. After all, I am the mystical figure I’ve devoted to my life to find. You see, I always thought the voice that called to me was out in the world, but recently I’ve discovered that I could never find that person because I was searching in all the wrong places. It turns out the solution to my problems never lied within someone else’s breath or words; it always has remained within me. And this lesson I shall carry with me for the rest of my days, to teach my children, that a mystical figure doesn’t exist that’ll fix any problem because ultimately we have to do that ourselves.

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Talking To The Moon

My thoughts are quiet as I stare into the blackness of night and don’t hear a sound. I can only see the abyss that lies ahead that is illuminated by the moon. Illuminated are my hopes, dreams, and a voice inside that calls to me. Where this path leads, I can’t be sure. It tells me never to give up on myself, and go forward in this life and forge my path to become a stronger woman. It’s a small voice, really, one that is shown only by the moon’s glow. But once it starts to appear, I know that there is nothing in this world that can stop me. Although the path is dark and bumpy at times, at least it’s the path I chose for myself. So, I guess only the future and the moon know what lies ahead. And I’m okay with that because at least I have the moon’s glow to keep me warm and light the way.

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Harsh Words

Criticism is inevitable in this life. It’s something we all must face at one point in our life. It can come in high school when people tease us or from our bosses who don’t think we are performing to our best abilities. Or even sometimes it can come from the people we love most. It’s unavoidable, because no matter how safe you play in this life, no matter how much you try and stand out, or in some cases blend in, someone somewhere may point out a flaw. Of course, no one likes to be told they have an issue with themselves or aren’t good enough to meet someone’s standards. That’s also human nature, to protect ourselves, to protect our egos. The real test is what we do with that criticism. And when I say criticism, I mean constructive, because people cruelly pointing out some flaw they see isn’t constructive. But I digress, do we collapse under other’s harsh words, or do we let those words motivate us to find what we want from life?

If you asked most people what one of their biggest fears was, some would say failure. But my question to them would be, are you terrified of failure, or are you afraid of the criticism you might receive for trying? So many of us, including myself, let our fear of rejection and criticism hold us back. That fear keeps us from pushing ourselves to be better. Playing by the rules doesn’t make history. Hiding under a rock for a lifetime because one is afraid to be seen seems like an injustice. I’ve learned that some people may love you, some will always dislike you, but none of that matters if you don’t like yourself. I’ve learned that those harsh words of criticism don’t matter as much if you know who you are. No one should ever stop someone from being themselves or doing what they love, but ultimately, it’s up to us to decide the actions we take in our lives. Because success isn’t about becoming famous or winning, it’s about staying in the game and being true to ourselves.

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The Veil

The days that pass seem longer than the rest as I walk up and down my street. For years I have seen a distorted figure behind a high window on my street. Behind the glass, a figure used to rest in a sheer lace veil away from the world. The cover that hid them seemed permanent as they sat in their window watching the world below. I bet not one soul on the outside could tell you what used to lay underneath the veil. I heard the being who wore the mask placed it there a long time ago for a particular reason. And that reason was protection. Because the creature lying underneath knew that if no one ever saw the person they were, they couldn’t get hurt. Because if people left them, they could say it was because they didn’t understand the person they indeed were. And it took years for that person in their shear covered veil to realize that the problem wasn’t the world. Instead, the problem was inside themselves. Over time, this person grew tired of hiding away. They never felt seen by anyone around them. And eventually, the day came where they wanted to remove their protection. And they did.

The veil that once hid me from this world now lay on my floor. It’s not in the trash or hidden away but remains a reminder of how important it is for me to live and not be afraid to show who I am underneath. I’ve grown to realize that that veil served me no purpose. Because what’s the point in living if you’re always hidden?

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My Broken Doll

I have this broken doll at the bottom of my drawer. She remains hidden from the outside world. Her limbs are twisted, and her hair knotted. Her white legs are covered in stains. A once pristine porcelain doll is now busted and shattered. Although she is battered and bruised from the years, I keep her. A thing that was once so beautiful doesn’t deserve to be thrown away with the trash. If anything, she deserves her own glass enclosure, preserving her beauty that won’t let her decay further. But I’m afraid my friends that life doesn’t work that way. Time doesn’t work that way. Because with time comes aging and the loss of beauty. Sometimes we become broken or hideous to those around us. But only after we lose our beauty do we truly see the characters hiding underneath our exterior. Only once we shed these facades will we see our real strength. Because without that safety net, all we have is ourselves.

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This Feeling

There is this feeling
I cannot hide
It is a feeling
That I’ve harbored inside
For quite some time
It’s red and daunting
And out of control
How it came to be
I already know
For the fury, I feel
Became my coping mechanism
To deal with life’s unknowns
But now I must rid this feeling,
So, I’ll surrender
And let the feelings wash over me
And accept I cannot control
The world unknown
For this feeling is not who I am
Because now, I know it only hides
And distorts
Who I truly am inside

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A Saturday Afternoon

On a Saturday afternoon, I sit silently in my bedroom on the soft white carpet. I wiggle my toes between the fibers as I listen carefully to the rain as it lightly pings on my roof. I slowly begin to gaze out my bay window down at the beauty that surrounds me. The vibrant forest and the sounds of the rain ease my mind as I watch the rainwater flow down the street.  And I can’t help but feel at peace, at peace with myself and with the world. The sounds surrounding me aren’t filled with worry or fear. Instead, they possess a sign of extraordinary courage, courage so powerful, so great. Because the thunder never seems to mind who it disturbs. Instead, the thunder bangs and roars at whatever volume it deems necessary, no matter the cost to those affected. I envy that kind of freedom; to move about life being whatever one wants and not worrying about the social ramifications.

As my mind wanders, I stare into the distance at the tall daunting trees in the distance. They are filled with a quiet restlessness. I can hear them whisper in the wind, calling out to me.  Their vibrant leaves hold the secrets of the past that will one day be told to the next generation. How will these secrets be revealed, you ask? Through their sounds, because if you listen carefully to the rustling of the leaves, they bare all the secrets one could ever hope to learn. The key is to listen, truly listen to the things that surround us, instead of filling our minds with clutter. Perhaps only then will we find the peace we so desperately search for in this world.

 

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I Gaze

I gaze in the mirror at my reflection, and I don’t recognize the person I see anymore. My physical appearance looks the same, but somehow, I am different. Maybe it’s because I no longer see myself as the insecure girl I once was. Perhaps it’s because, over the course time, I have somehow managed to shed a part of myself that I never thought I could.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about why this is. I mean, how can a person change so much in such a short amount of time. A year ago, I moved to Denver, a much bigger city than the place in which I was raised. I had never lived outside of Idaho; I don’t blame you if you don’t know where that is. The point is, I was in the same place my entire life, and I felt stuck and bored. I was surrounded by negative people who I felt didn’t understand or support me. I always thought the problem was me; somehow, I was the person who needed to change, that I was the broken doll that needed repair.

Well, cue me moving away to a bigger city, and over a year, I discovered that the problem was never me. The real problem was I didn’t believe in myself and was too afraid to become my own person. Last year, I stopped writing, I stopped being true to my passions in life, and I stopped believing in my capabilities and talents.

I only moved here because I thought I was supposed to go to law school and become a successful attorney; not because I liked the state. But, even when I was doing the things I was “supposed” to be doing, I didn’t feel better. I still felt stuck, almost as if I were frozen in time. And I did the only thing I knew how. I finally listened to myself. I shut out all the outside voices and began to think about what I wanted for my life. I slowly began to write again. And most importantly, I quit law school, which was the best decision I ever made because I knew it wasn’t what I wanted. I believe that we can choose our paths, and I decided mine instead of doing what I was supposed to do.

This year I began living my life for me. And my decisions have reflected that. Everything I write, every picture I take, and the things I do are for me, not for everyone’s approval. And I have become a lot happier and self-assured.

And once I started thinking for myself, I learned that I didn’t need certain people in my life. I learned that all I have ever needed was myself. And now, when I look in the mirror, I see her, the person I’ve always dreamed of being, and I think that’s enough.

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As I Float

The water droplets form upon my skin as I lay in silence. I allow the waves to carry my body in any direction. I don’t care where. As I float on my back, I gaze into the majestic clear sky. I watch as the bird’s swoosh and dip in zig-zag motions above my head, but I can’t hear them. The water that fills my ears has silenced the world around me. All the violence, screams, and anxiety are quiet, as my ears fill with nothing but the sounds of the swishing water ripples. The water carries me down a path that I am unfamiliar with, but I don’t feel afraid. I feel excited to go where I have never gone before.

As my body floats adrift, I watch the birds overhead. They seem so free, so happy, like nothing I have ever seen. And sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be free. To be able to fly to any destination without care. To leave a life behind and begin anew, but I suppose we have that option too.