Mirror Mirror

Beauty is something in our society that is highly valued and sought after. Everyone seems to want it and some people will stop at nothing to attain it. We have things such as plastic surgery and weight lose commercial that consume our culture. The world, society, and the media tell us we need to be “beautiful” in order to obtain success. They tell us that being beautiful can get us further in our careers and give us more opportunities. The question becomes how do you know if you have what society deems to be this important characteristic? I think we allow the media and society provide our answer. In other words, we let others, or complete strangers, tell us what we are, and if we are valuable.

Why do we let other’s opinions dictate our perceptions of ourselves? My theory is that from a young age we are taught to listen to those around us for a reflection of who we are. When we are young, we look for guidance from those around us; and as we age, I believe this becomes a habit. We learn that trusting ourselves and believing in what we see in the mirror is a not a way to gain others approval, that we so desperately seek. I’ve found through my life experience by doing this, by leaning on people for my validation, my power was stripped away. Because if we listen to everyone else then it is harder for us to see our true selves. With societies voices constantly in our head, we no longer have the power to decide who we are and who we want to be.

Our dependency on others can happen for many reasons. For me personally, I know at times it was too hard for me to look at myself in the mirror, so I let others tell me my label. Because it was easier for me to let others dictate my life, and tell me who I was, rather than me sitting down and being honest with myself. It seems like an easy fix to let everyone around you decide your future, as if somehow, they have all the answers that you don’t. But I have found when I let others determine my value, this causes a huge problem. When I base my life on society’s opinions it causes me to have more self-doubt

and insecurity. Because I feel as if I needed everyone’s approval to be good enough, which is impossible. Because there will always be one person who doesn’t like something about you.

For a huge portion of my life I hated my body. I was born with wider hips that I felt if I wasn’t careful, they could make me look fat around my mid-section. Even when I was a size 0 at 18 years old, I still had my larger hips, and it made me insecure; because I felt in order to be beautiful that I needed to be rail thin. I felt like I needed to have the body of a supermodel to be successful. So, I went years hiding my body under frumpy clothing because I felt if anyone ever saw what I considered to be a flaw then I wouldn’t be beautiful. But over years of doing this I became annoyed. Annoyed with myself and annoyed with the world. I felt as if I were trapped inside a box because I could only wear certain clothes in order to match a beauty standard.

Last year, I was so annoyed that I became rebellious of my old habits and I began to wear what I considered more riskier clothing. I began to wear bodysuits, tighter pants, and basically anything I found to be cute. What I found was that not all clothes would fit my body. Not everything would accentuate my natural body shape and I had to learn to accept that. I had to learn that no matter how much I wished I was rail thin that I couldn’t change the bones in my body. But I also learned that I didn’t need to hide my body, either.

For most of my life, I needed people to tell me I was good enough. I needed people to provide me with an identity. No one ever could though, and I always felt like I needed constant reassurance. Instead of believing in my own personal beauty, I let society dictate my value. Ultimately, it was detrimental for me, to think that others knew me better than I knew myself. I ended up living my life to please others and fit their perceptions of how I was “supposed” to appear.

I’m here to tell you that the world will always try to define you based on your outward appearance. However, the world is wrong. Ultimately, people cannot tell you your value. Relying, on people’s opinions too much will foster an environment of insecurity and doubt. We deserve more for ourselves. We all will be “beautiful” to someone one day. That old saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder carries merit. You don’t have to be perfect or fit someone’s standards to be beautiful. You just need to be true to who you are, and someone will find you to be beautiful.